Browns extremely need a makeover

I’m a Cleveland Browns fan. Raised in northeast Ohio, you almost can’t help it…no matter how badly they do. Browns fans are diehard and desperate. We hang on and we hope.

So this year they got off to a really great start in the preseason. But a two-game winning streak is about as long as they get around here, and last night they lost pretty badly to the Philadelphia Eagles. Now, it’s one game and the regular season hasn’t even begun. But around here though we hope, we have history. And that gets us wondering, as it does every year, what’s it gonna’ take to break the seeming curse that Cleveland sports teams have?

Well, I don’t know about the hapless Indians or the kingless Cavs, but I think I have the solution to the yearly dance with disappointment the Cleveland Browns continue to put us through.  It’s not their fault…it’s the name.

Brown is dull, brown is mousy.  “Brownies” are little girls in dull, mousy uniforms selling cookies.  Or skinny, little, do-nothing elves.  There is nothing fearsome or threatening about brown.

But Patriots are freedom fighters!  Steelers are down and dirty working men’s men.  Bengals are fierce; Vikings are burly; Colts are wild!  Browns are…..what is a Brown?  I know they were named for Paul Brown, but whose idea was that anyway?  It was not a good one.

Look what happened to the old Browns after they moved to Baltimore and became the roadkill-eating RAVENS.  A few short years later, to the dismay of all the Art Modell haters here, they win the Super Bowl!

Everyone acknowledges the psychological factor in winning, hence the desire for home field advantage.  Confidence is key; how the players view themselves can make all the difference between a winning and losing season.  What our guys need is a total makeover….new name, new colors…new attitude.

How about the Cleveland Piranhas?  Or the Cleveland Pit Bulls?  Or, no….I got it….the Cleveland Bulldogs!   It’s perfect.  We already have the Dawg Pound, and the Dawg people.  And bulldogs are tough and mean and territorial…at least that’s their image.  And we desperately need a new, tough, strong, fighting image.

So, this has nothing to do with “making a defense for the hope that we have.” Unless you consider that in the Bible names mean something, and sometimes they are a genuine indication of things to come. Like Abraham, Jacob, and Jesus. Look it up.

Maybe a new owner and new players will make the difference. But I think the Browns need more than that. They need a full body peel, a maximum metamorphosis, an extreme makeover.

Whaddya’ think?  Who’s with me?