#loveisontheropes

July 3, 2015

There’s so much I want to say about the recent Supreme Court decision on same-sex marriage, and so many emotions in me vying for my attention and their release…anger, sadness, hope, despair. Everything I want to say I’m sure has been/is being/will be said by someone else somewhere. I’m one small voice, and often I feel like I’m just talking to myself. But if anyone is listening/reading/catching a wave on my frequency…there is one thing in particular I want to say that I haven’t heard or read anywhere yet.

I wish love really would win. I don’t believe this redefinition of marriage is a win for love, nor is the celebratory smugness of some of the “victors.” Neither does love get a W when those who claim to be on Love’s team ridicule from self-righteousness.

A real win for love would radically change families, communities, and government, and drastically reduce homosexual behavior.

Have you ever given much thought to why some people end up identifying as homosexual? I am firmly convinced that no one is born inherently, naturally homosexual. Anatomy, biology, and history clearly teach that men are built to copulate with women, not with other men. What sets an individual off in search of a sexual relationship with someone of their own gender instead of what nature obviously intended?

I believe in most cases it’s because we don’t love as we should. We are a selfish lot…humanity, you and I. Selfishness is antithetical to true love. Look into the background story of your average gay man or lesbian woman and you’ll likely find a parent who was distant, controlling, absent, disapproving, abusive, or somehow or other failed to meet some very real and important need or needs of their child. Or classmates who teased and name-called so relentlessly that they convinced their target he or she really must be gay. You might even discover a friend or relative who used the child for their own selfish lusts and set him or her on a trajectory into a life of homosexuality.

What you won’t find in any of these dysfunctional relationships is good, old-fashioned, self-sacrificial love. Parents who love their children well raise children who know they’re loved and are unlikely to reject the natural for the unnatural. They place their children’s real needs ahead of their personal career goals, unfulfilling marriages, unrealistic expectations, and perceived rights. Children who are raised well and feel loved are less likely to ridicule others. And anyone who has an ounce of real love in them will never use, abuse, or molest a child.

Now, I recognize there are some from good, loving families who come out as gay, and other factors that figure into the matrix. I know none of us loves perfectly and many parents suffer the consequences of dysfunctional parenting in their own childhoods. I don’t claim expertise on the subject and I have no studies to link to backing up my assertion. But I am certain that if this issue is about love it’s primarily about love failing to show up, not being victorious.

If we’re on Love’s team and we want to win, we need to train just like any competitor. We need to practice loving well…in our families, our friendships, and even with those we might consider our opponents. And we need to look to our Coach, who is Love, for guidance and instructions. Without him we scramble, stumble, and fall. And lose.