A Jew and a Catholic walk into a primary…

Jesus in politics. It does seem kinda’ weird. His mission here on earth was not at all political, but personal. He came to change and to save people, not a system of government.

But since some presidential candidates claim him for their own, I’ve been asking what Jesus would do if he were president. And as the Democratic primary race has narrowed down to Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden – a Jew and a Catholic – I can’t help but wonder what Jesus would have to say to each of them.

I picture Bernie coming to Jesus by night, as Nicodemus did…

Now there was a man of the Senate named Bernard, a cultural, non-religious Jew. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, I know that you are a popular teacher. I especially like what you said about doing unto others what you want them to do to you.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

Bernie said to him, “You know, we have some born-again folks who think that God has told them that Muslims shouldn’t come into this country or that their religion says that women can’t have access to reproduction — reproductive rights, and they’re not going to fund that or they’re not going to serve a gay couple a wedding cake.”

Jesus answered, “What God has said, Bernard, is that you are to love and obey him. Do you? And God has told you that Israel is his chosen possession and from them would come one who would be savior of the world. I know that you are descended from Abraham. But unless you believe that I am your Messiah, you will die in your sins.”

Joe Biden might come to him as a favored brother since the Catholic Church sees Jesus’ mother Mary as their mother too, and claims to be the only true church Jesus founded.

While he was still speaking to Bernie the Jew, behold, Joe the Catholic asked to speak to him. “Tell him I know his mother,” he said to the man. “Look…I even wear this rosary everywhere.”

But Jesus replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Joe was offended at this rebuff, and poking his finger on the man’s chest, said to him, “Listen, Bub…you tell Jesus I go to Mass every Sunday, plus I know his guy at the Vatican. That should count for something. And tell him the Democratic Party has a proud tradition of defending all kinds of rights.”

Then Jesus called Joe over and said, “Why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, ‘You shall not murder,’ and, ‘You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.’ Yet you condone the murder of unborn children and celebrate same-sex marriages. So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God.

I’m sure Jesus would have a few things to say to Donald Trump as well. But both Biden and Bernie cloak themselves in righteousness yet are promoting unrighteousness in their quest for power. I know God still loves them, but I honestly don’t think he wants either of them to be president.